Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
