His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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