shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
