I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
if only i could text you this smell
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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