I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
