The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
