So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
