So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
