I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
