It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he shaved USA in his pubs
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
