Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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