You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
