i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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