That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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