porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
