dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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