I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You pole danced in your parka.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
