i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Randomize
