How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
