I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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