Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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