seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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