Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize