im having a threesome with these popsicles
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
