the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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