i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
