PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
