it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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