$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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