It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize