apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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