I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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