He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
