He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize