I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
