dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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