drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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