He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
