Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
