I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
