I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
