i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
