It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
