Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
