yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
