shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
