You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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