dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
