I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We left the knife in your bed.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
