saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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