Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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