She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize