Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
