Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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