Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
