i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize