He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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