I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
