no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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