Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
