Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
