I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So much Jack, so little girl.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
