I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
