Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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