I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize