i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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