Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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