his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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