Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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