Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize