she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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