She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
