I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
