some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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