using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize