i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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