On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
