I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
