What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Randomize
