she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
