dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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