you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
