Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I touched a dick in church today
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
