if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
