i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You have to summon your inner elephant
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
