First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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