matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
