theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
