Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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