I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
