$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
