she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
