Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
there is glitter all over my balls
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