So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
