I think I won the penis lottery.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
