I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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