Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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