i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
