my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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