My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Randomize
