the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
