I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize