oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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