I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
