obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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