You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
