saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
