Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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