erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
